When Equal Is not Really Equal: Rethinking How You Share Wealth with the Next Generation

At first glance, dividing wealth among children or grandchildren seems straightforward. Three kids? Split the pie into three equal slices. Simple, right?

But here is the catch: wealth does not live in a vacuum. Wealth is shaped by taxes, marriages, lifestyles, and even geography. One child might be a high-earning executive married to a spouse with their own career. Another might be a teacher who lives in a high-tax state. A third could be building a start-up and reinvesting every dime back into the business. Give them each the same dollar amount, and what you have actually given is three very different outcomes.

That is where the real conundrum begins. Equal is not always equitable.

The Myth of Equal Distribution

Most parents and grandparents want to be “fair.” In fact, surveys show that fairness is the number one concern when planning an inheritance. But fairness doesn’t always mean sameness. Equal dollar amounts often lead to a very different impact depending on the child. Qualitative as well as quantitative impact needs to be considered.

Imagine leaving three children the same inheritance of $3 million each. On paper, it seems perfectly equal. But when taxes, debts, and personal circumstances come into play, the end result could look like this:

• Child One nets $2.8 million after modest taxes and no debt.
• Child Two nets $2.1 million after state income taxes and settling a significant mortgage.
• Child Three nets $1.5 million after capital gains taxes from selling a business interest.

The math shows it plainly: equal numbers, unequal outcomes.

Why “Fair” Looks Different for Every Family

Every family has unique dynamics that influence how wealth is transferred across generations. A few of the most common:

• Marital status and prenuptial agreements – Does wealth stay in the family or potentially leave with a divorce settlement?
• State tax laws – Children in California or New York face very different tax burdens than those in Texas or Florida.
• Career and income differences – A child earning $500,000 a year has a very different financial picture than a child earning $50,000.
• Entrepreneurial risk – For children running businesses, inherited wealth may serve as a safety net or growth capital, not just a means of lifestyle support.

What feels “fair” must take into account these realities. If it does not, unintended resentment may simmer and even fracture family relationships.

Shifting the Lens: From Equal to Equitable

The shift from equal to equitable giving begins with one simple question: What do I want my wealth to do for my family? What values do I want to reflect?

Some want to provide a safety net. Others seek to provide opportunities for entrepreneurship or to support philanthropic passions. Once you know the “why,” the “how much” becomes clearer.

Here are three strategies families use to bring more equity into their estate planning:

1. Consider Non-Financial Assets

Not every gift is about cash or investments. A family vacation home, for example, could go to the child most likely to use and maintain it. That gift may hold sentimental value that far outweighs its dollar amount.

2. Use Trusts to Balance Outcomes

Trusts can equalize tax burdens, provide structure for how and when wealth is accessed, and even protect assets from leaving the family line. A carefully designed trust can make $1 million feel very different depending on how it is distributed.

3. Align with Each Child’s Circumstances

You might give one child more liquid assets to cover immediate needs, while another receives interests in long-term investments. Both gifts can be structured to provide equivalent value in the context of their lives.

Opening the Conversation

Numbers are easy; conversations are not. Parents often avoid discussing inheritance out of fear it will spark tension. Yet silence can be far more damaging. The truth is, children often expect equal distribution, even when equal is not the most thoughtful choice.

Here are a few ways to start the conversation without creating conflict:

• Focus on values, not just dollars. Explain the “why” behind your decisions. For example: “We want each of you to feel supported, and support looks different for each person.”

• Acknowledge the potential for difference upfront. Framing the discussion early avoids surprises later.

• Invite questions. This is not about defending your choices but creating space for clarity and understanding.

The Stewardship Mindset

At Prosperity Road, we believe wealth is more than numbers on a page. It is a tool for stewardship—caring for your family, your community, and the legacy you want to leave behind. Stewardship may not mean making every child “equal.” It may mean making thoughtful, values-based decisions that reflect your family’s bigger story.

Sometimes that means unequal distributions. Sometimes it means putting safeguards in place so wealth does not become a burden. And sometimes it means bringing in a neutral guide who can help navigate the complexity with clarity and care.

Action Steps for Families Wrestling with the Equal vs. Equitable Question

1. Define your goals. Do you want your wealth to provide stability, opportunity, or both?

2. Assess each child’s circumstances. Consider tax burdens, marital status, and financial independence.

3. Explore legal tools. Trusts, family partnerships, and philanthropic vehicles can all create equity without necessarily creating equality.

4. Communicate early and often. Family conversations today prevent family fractures tomorrow.

5. Work with a guide. A trusted advisor can help balance numbers with nuance, ensuring your plan reflects both fairness and wisdom.

True fairness is not always about dividing things into equal parts. It is about honoring the uniqueness of each family member while staying true to your values. The legacy you leave is not just measured in dollars; it is measured in the impact- the harmony, opportunity, and purpose those dollars create for generations to come.

At Prosperity Road, we help families write the story that aligns with their goals and values. If you are wrestling with what “fair” looks like in your family, let’s begin the conversation together.

Please note: Each person’s financial situation is unique; this post is for informational purposes only and does not constitute financial, legal, or tax counsel. We encourage you to consult your trusted financial, legal, or tax advisor for guidance tailored to your specific circumstances.